Archive for May, 2008

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I Would Rather be Compared to George Clooney

Saturday, May 31st, 2008

OK, I think you’ve figured out by now that even though I have hillbilly in my blood I don’t like to see the English language butchered. Well, last night I actually said “I’m down with that.” That frightened me. Where did that come from? I’ve never said it in my life until then. It also seems to cause a lot of “thats” in my writing.

There are many phrases which don’t seem to make any sense but are becoming part of the lexicon. Now that’s my kind of word. Lexicon! But I’m still trying to figure out how we got “I’m down with that” to mean agreement. At least I think that’s what it means.

There are two more phrases I want to mention in this blog. The first is “give it up for…” What? What am I giving up? What if I don’t want to give it up? What happened to “let’s hear it for…?” Since I’m wondering, what are we hearing?

I hear the other phrase on a television program that I watch a lot but don’t care to mention. It’s one of those chick shows and I have a reputation to maintain. (Chick? Never mind.) There is a woman on this show who shouts “shut up” several times in each show. She’s not really asking anyone to be quiet. She’s just remarking about how much she likes something, I think. Why can’t she just say “I’m down with that!” Don’t even get me started on her calling them “the girls.”

So, what does the title of this blog mean? It simply means I would rather be compared to George Clooney. That doesn’t require much explanation. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m sounding more like Andy Rooney than looking like George Clooney.

I really don’t like to watch Andy Rooney because he rarely seems to have anything that he likes. The man is 87 years old and still complaining on 60 Minutes. On the other hand if I’m still blogging at 87 then maybe he has something there. So, I’ll just continue to comment on things I don’t like. I like more than I don’t like, though. Maybe I’ll mention some of those things, too. Maybe.

Posted in 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney, George Clooney | No Comments »

The Iceman Cometh

Friday, May 30th, 2008

OK, I’m about to let you all know just how old I really am (older than dirt.) There was a time when refrigerators were rare. Then there was a time when they were relatively common, but not in every home. That’s the time I’m going to talk about.

I don’t remember how old I was at the time but I believe I was less than eight years old. Don’t worry about why I believe that. Living in the little town in West Virginia where I was born was quite different than today, to say the least.

One of the favorite things for children in the summer was when the iceman came to deliver. There were still a few people in my neighborhood with iceboxes, not refrigerators. An icebox was simply a large cooler (see picture). People kept milk and eggs and other perishables in them and were dependent on the iceman. Every few days he would come by and replace the ice that had melted with fresh blocks of ice. It was placed in the top of the icebox so the cold could descend over the food, keeping it chilled.

For us, this man was like a free ice cream truck. His truck was filled with huge blocks of ice. The blocks were segmented into smaller blocks of about fifty pounds each. He would stop in front of the house to which he was delivering and use his ice pick to skillfully separate the right sized block for that house. He would then use his ice tongs to pick up the block and throw it over his shoulder. Considering the size of the blocks, he must have been a very strong man. Also, he had a leather apron over his shoulder so the ice would not melt on him. I don’t think it worked very well because his shirt and pants were usually soaked.

I think it must have taken a very nice man to be the iceman. We would chase his truck and every time he stopped surround the back of the it and beg for chips of ice. There were always a few laying loose in the truck but he usually chipped bigger pieces and gave those to us. We thought it was Christmas. It was such a simple thing. It was only a piece of ice for the hot summer day, but it had this special quality that I can vaguely remember today. The chip in my hand would melt down my arm as I sucked the cold water into my mouth. What a cool (another pun) memory.

Now I can go to my fridge and get all of the ice I need from my freezer’s ice maker. One thing is for sure, though. It doesn’t taste as good as the ice from the ice man.

Posted in Ice box, Iceman, refrigerator | No Comments »

All About Swimming Pools

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008


Well, maybe not all. In fact, maybe not much. I sometimes marvel at where I get my ideas for these blogs. In fact, I don’t even remember where I got this one.

Did you know swimming pools have been around for more than 6,000 years? Neither did I. Until now, however, I didn’t really care. So when this floating (pardon the pun) idea came to mind I Googled swimming pools.

OK, I know this makes the blog hard to read, but there’s another one of those made up words. Googled? What is that? There used to be a song about Barney Google with the goo, goo, googly eyes. Why would anyone use something as dumb as that song to name a website. Oh, well, I digress.

As I was saying, I googled swimming pools. To make a long story short I found that drawings of swimming pools, estimated to be about 6,000 years old, were found in the Kebir desert. Now, I don’t know where that is but if it was a desert, I wonder where they got the water to fill it.

I have to ask a question. Why? Why do we have swimming pools. Is it some sort of return to the womb thing? One of the first things we did when we moved into this house was to install two pools. That’s right, the swimming pool and the hot pool, as my granddaughters call the hot tub. The hot tub feels much more womby than the swimming pool (that was my own made up word.) It also takes away soreness and has other fun uses.

But the swimming pool? I don’t know. There is a lot of water in my back yard (mostly in the pools) and I don’t know why. I was the first to get in the pool this year. That is a first. The water was an ugly color and really, really cold. I got in it one step at a time and there were certain parts that were very unhappy when the cold water rose up. Maybe I should have worn a survival suit like they do on Deadliest Catch. I’ve already blogged about how dangerous a pool can be. Who knew what else was concealed by that ugly green color.

But, Earnestine dropped a pair of scissors and someone needed to find them. Guess who was elected. Thanks to some relatively prehensile toes I was able to find the scissors without having to duck my head in that cold, green water. It finally took enough chlorine to purify the drinking water for the city of Dallas to get rid of that ugly color.

I’ve actually been in the pool more this year than almost all years put together. Did you know if you have enough funnoodles (I’ll leave that alone) you can float with only your nose and mouth above water? It’s true. Maybe if it was warmer it would feel more like a womb in that position.

I still don’t know why we have swimming pools. Don’t even get me started on water parks.

Posted in Dallas, Deadliest Catch, Swimming pool, desert, hot tub, pool supplies, spa, water parks | 4 Comments »

A "Short" Report

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008


I thought the two or three of you who are reading Earnest might like a report on Shorty. He is, after all, the center of all of our attention. At least he thinks he is.

He appears to be weathering this treatment well, so far. He hasn’t shown any outward signs of the death of the worms within, but we’ve been pretty lucky keeping him relatively calm. Of course the hot Texas weather has helped. Shorty seems to prefer the air conditioning in my office to the heat in the backyard. He quickly learned to use the new dog door.

He’s lying beside my desk right now looking up at me with those mournful Basset eyes. He knows I’m writing about him. He also knows that my one or two readers care to hear about him.

Earnest will be back with more fun stuff in a day or two. Oh, in the picture above Shorty is trying to get away from the camera. He’s a little camera shy and went as far up the chair as possible.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

On Aging

Saturday, May 24th, 2008


I’ve spent time recently talking about Shorty. There were several other pets which came before him but there is one that I watch as she ages. I see so much of what my aging is like as I watch her.

Her name is Betty. When I saw her at the Humane Society I was sure that she was the dog I wanted. She was one of a litter of puppies of a Cocker Spaniel mother. The folks at the Humane Society were sure her father was a Cocker Spaniel. I didn’t care. She fit in my hand and was as cute as could be.

As she grew she became my dog. I trained her to leap into my lap and flip over on her back so I could scratch her stomach. Also as she grew she became a very long legged Cocker. Her coat was also strange because it was so straight. I still didn’t care. She was way too cute to worry about that.

As she aged she developed a temper. That almost cost her an ear once, but that is another story. Also as she aged, the underside of her jaw began to get gray. Uh oh, my cute little Cocker was getting old. Well, she’s gotten even grayer but is still as black as she can be except for under her chin.

She’s been a very good dog who is nearing her 16th birthday. About a year ago we finally realized she was probably part Chow. After all, her tongue was totally purple. Once upon a time we owned a Shar Pei and her tongue was purple. We understood then that Shar Peis and Chows were the only ones with purple tongues.

Regardless, we now know our little Betty is probably half Cocker and half Chow. She’s almost 16 years old and has slowed down a lot. I watch her and sometimes see me. We both have trouble straightening our knees and moving very fast when we first start to walk. I see my life before me. Being a dog, she is doing this faster than I, but it’s not much different.

She’s a sweet dog, and I just wish she was still able to jump in my lap and flip over on her back. I would love to scratch her stomach again while she squirmed on her back in my lap.

Posted in Humane Society. Cocker Spaniel | No Comments »

He’s a Sick Dog

Friday, May 23rd, 2008


It was only a few days ago that I introduced you to Shorty. You could probably tell by that blog that I was smitten. I don’t often get so involved with pets. I like them (and certainly love them) but I’m just a little removed from being enthralled by them. I know that Shorty quickly bridged that gap and stole my heart.

When he originally wormed (pardon the pun) his way in he was in a crate at Petco. For those of you who know our history this will be meaningful. His name then was Fred and the date was December 1, the original Fred’s birthday. We already had a Fred(die) at home but knew we could change his name. Although it has been a long time since Fred left us, this dog certainly used our love for Fred to his advantage. There was no way he wasn’t going home with us that day (the exact course of events might make a later blog.)

The folks at Petco were honest. The told us he had a “mild” case of heartworm. Our vet agreed and said the normal monthly heartworm treatment would take care of that. Well, on Monday he went to the vet to check on his cough. The news was not good. Our vet said the veterinary world had taken an entirely new approach to heartworms in the last six months. Now there was no such thing as a “mild” case and he needed the aggressive treatment right away.

So, Shorty got a shot of something similar to arsenic. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t seem to be a good thing. It isn’t good for the heartworms. It kills them. Sometimes it also kills the dog. I’ve actually had another dog treated this way but she stayed with the vet the entire time. He told us it would either cure her or kill her. It cured her. This vet sent Shorty home.

He came home very sore. He came home very upset by the whole thing. He lay in my office most of the day and I worried and fretted and came very close to crying on several occasions. I hated seeing him so obviously in pain as he tried to find a comfortable way to lay down. I hated the fear I had that he might die in front of me. The internet says we have to keep him calm for six to eight weeks. He’s a beagle! He doesn’t understand calm!

He has one more, even more traumatic treatment in a few weeks. I’m not sure, but I think he’s probably going to endure it better than I will. I look at him and my heart just melts. His eyes have me totally hooked. When he comes to me for a “scratch,” as I call it, he gets my attention no matter what I’m doing. When he lays on my chest in bed in the morning I’m a jellyfish. Did I tell you he lifts his front leg to be scratched in his pit? He does! And I do!

Earnest is a Shorty wimp. I’m not ashamed to say that. Earnest is scared Shorty won’t make it. I can’t have another pet that comes and goes in a few months, but that’s another blog. Stay tuned for the Shorty and Earnest updates.

Posted in Beagle, Heartworms | 1 Comment »

Do you remember Smee?

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008

If I’m not mistaken, he was Captain Hook’s first mate in Peter Pan. Right? Wrong!

If you’ve been reading this blog since the beginning (fat chance) you’ll remember how I hate made up words. Well, it just keeps on keeping on. I wonder how long it will be before we can no longer read full words. Have you ever tried to read old English? That’s how it will be with our English before we know it.

OK, you say. Shut up and tell us what you’re talking about.

OK, I will. In my other life I work for a large corporation that will remain unnamed. As part of the requirements for them to continue to pay me a reasonable wage and provide exceptional benefits I have to obtain 25 hours of continuing education each year. So, I’m taking a class through a local community college. It’s a quasi-business class and they have more made up words and shorthand than you can imagine.

So, back to Smee. Actually it is SME. They’ve dropped an E. It should be pronounced Smuh, but if you are making up words, why not make up pronunciations? Smuh does sound like some nasty bodily function, though.

If you don’t know, SME means Subject Matter Expert. Then, of course, you have to define the subject matter. It was so easy when we were accounting experts, or rocket experts or ukulele experts. We’ve shortened the words but made it harder to know what they mean. At least that’s my opinion.

They also tossed out SPOC. Now that one I knew, because I am one. At least in that huge corporation I am a SPOC. I am a Single Point of Contact. I’m not sure I want to be any point of contact, let alone the Single Point of Contact. Does that tell you what I do? Of course not. If I was still allowed to just say I’m the SME in CRE then you would know. Right? I miss my anonymity.

Posted in Peter Pan, SME, SPOC, Smee | 1 Comment »

He’s A Short Dog

Sunday, May 18th, 2008

You can’t tell from this picture, but he really is a short dog. Does he look comfortable? He should, he’s in my bed.

Did you ever think about how our pets own us? Not only that, I believe they come into our lives when they choose. This short dog came into my heart the moment I saw him and he’s there for good. He chose us at a time we were committed to not getting another dog. We could not refuse him, could we.

Some say he’s a Beagle. Some say he’s a Basset. I say he’s the reincarnation of a dog that belonged to my brother when I was a teenager. He was one of two brothers who were the result of an accidental mating of a Beagle and a Basset. One was Duke (the tall, Beagle side) and the other was Shorty (the short, Basset side.) I look at the dog in the picture and know he is short and looks like he’s half Beagle and half Basset. Of course his name is Shorty.

Posted in Basset Hound, Beagle, rescue dog | No Comments »

How Many Stations Can You Receive?

Saturday, May 17th, 2008

When I was a kid, dad and I would go to the “beauty shop” to pick up mom. He often sent me inside to let her know we had arrived. I was embarassed because this place seemed to allow only women inside so I usually got in and out quickly. How things have changed!

I had very blonde hair until I was in my twenties. As I grew older it darkened. I didn’t like it darker but felt there was nothing I could do about that. Several years ago I learned about a spray that claimed to use the sun to lighten hair. It worked. Then, the woman who did my hair (I no longer get haircuts) told me it looked brassy and she could make it look better. That was the beginning of many years of artificially lightening my hair.

Now I go to the hairdresser (barber?) every few weeks and have it highlighted (bleached as we used to say.) Not wanting to look totally unwilling to accept my age, I’ve told her to leave some of the gray showing. Yep, the natural color has now become at least partially gray. Yesterday was the day to have my hair done (haircut?) If you’ve never had your hair lightened you may not know that part of the process is for the hairdresser to put lots of pieces of aluminum foil in your hair to wrap around the chemically treated hair.

As I sat there with my head looking like an antenna farm a little boy about six or seven years old came around the corner. The look on his face when he saw me reminded me of the looks I’m sure I had on mine when I would go into the beauty shop to get mom. I remember being surrounded by women with wires and pins and curlers and all manner of beautifying equipment in their hair. It felt like another world.

I wonder if the little boy I saw yesterday will be blogging in years to come about the man in the chair with the aluminum foil forest in his hair. Based on the look I saw he was as embarassed for me as I was when I had to enter the realm of the women as a kid. Or maybe he wondered how I tuned my aluminum foil antennas to achieve the best reception.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

"Evil Sister" Has Surfaced

Friday, May 16th, 2008

Once again I can’t find a blog I saved. I really haven’t figured this thing out yet but I’m working on it. I heard from evil sister again but this time it was an email to my work address. She’s not really that evil but I like to get under her skin as often as possible. It was a short email. She simply said I have too much time on my hands. All I can say in return is that anyone who forwards as many jokes and other fw.fw.fw items definitely has too much time on her hands.
I checked. I’ve earned $0.44 from the advertising posted on my site. Although it’s $0.44 more than I expected, it’s going to take a long time to move to Paris at that rate.
Enjoy the picture. It was the sun setting over the Pacific Ocean right before we docked at Cabo San Lucas

Posted in Cabo San Lucas | No Comments »

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